Philsophizing Sheep

He brushes his teeth and then places a glass of water on the night stand beside his bed. He prepares the covers and cracks open Christopher Hitchens’ autobiography. Normally reading puts him to sleep but not tonight. The Japanese might attack (inside joke and long story). Legend says when you can’t sleep at night it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. So he uses his FB ESP and wakes everyone up in the world up (just to make sure). Fundamentalist Christians respond by thinking the Rapture has taken place. His bad.

Sleep continues to elude…

Not one to count sheep he attempts to excoriate the insomnia by engineering a LEGO version of Edoras–contemplating what specialty type of pieces would be needed to construct a retractable roof or a hidden slide away closet for Grima by the throne. Maybe a sparkly, glowy Palantir piece could be incorporated? Oh First World problems you’re so charming: why can’t you be tiring?

So he contemplates resorting to going outside to lie down on the trampoline coddled by the sound of the wind flowing through the leaves above. There’s neither wind nor stars to look at tonight. (Legend says when there’s no stars or wind there’s a low pressure weather system present. Oh wait, that’s science that says that.) 

So he resorts to mindlessly watching television; and rather than turning off the mind it starts to whirl about at a million miles an hour as he watches a documentary on human trafficking which causes him to marvel at how truly wretched humanity is generally (and he wonders ponderously how he has contributed to that misery generally (of course)).

Adults kinda suck, he figures. Kids? Kids are awesome. They say crazy stuff and they’re so insightful and forgiving. But the adults? Not so much awesome there.

Having exhausted BBC news, the Fail Army YouTube Channel, email, and FB news feed for amusement, he heads back to the living room, cracks open his book again, and thinks to himself, “If I’m in someone else’s dream could you dream me asleep now please? Oh, and uhm, I’d like a six pack, my curly hair back (you can keep the ear and chest hair) and a million dollars, and to be 10 again. Let’s do this; and man I am sooooooo screwed for tomorrow.”

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